Tuesday, 24 February 2015

The Snail Collector (Short Play)

It is night-time, a man is hunched, walking and scanning the floor. He has a small, dirty brown bucket.

JULES: Hmm, mmm.

He picks something off the floor and drops it into the bucket.

JULES: What beautiful, wonderful specimens. Oh, look here!

He rushes to the other side of the stage and picks up something else, admires it in his hand and carefully places it in the bucket.

JULES: Oh, how lovely. Slimy, hmm.

He licks his lips.

GICQUEL enters stage right, he has a flash-light and is dressed in a railway workers uniform. He watches JULES. JULES shuffles across the stage and picks up another.

GICQUEL clears his throat. JULES is startled.

JULES: Oh, my! Oh, hello there young man, what a wonderful night for a stroll don't you think?

GICQUEL: I'm... not sure you're meant to be in here. It's not open to the public.

JULES: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that my boy. Us gentlemen can enjoy a nights stroll on an evening with such sweet charms can we not? With such wonderful sweet charms.

GICQUEL: I'm... I'm with the railway, I'm meant to be guarding the tracks, I think you need to leave.

JULES: Oh, nonsense, nonsense. Come, come, see these wonderful specimens, these wonderful slimy treats.

He gestures for GICQUEL to come closer.

JULES: Oh, don't be shy my boy, don't be so silly, come here and see my treats, look into my wonderful bucket.

GICQUEL comes closer, he looks into the bucket.

GICQUEL: There's lots of snails.

JULES: Yes, wonderful snails. Don't you love the way the wriggle and slime? Isn't it just a wonder of nature, and oh the smell. The wonderful smell of stinky snails, in my lovely snails bucket. Would you like to hold one?

GICQUEL: Look sir, I really think you ought to leave.

JULES: Come on my boy! Hold one of my sweet snails in your dainty manly palm.

GICQUEL: No. It's time for you to leave, this is... private property.

JULES: Just a little touch. Come, they're so smooth and squidgy, fluffy even. Come, let me put my snail on your cheek.


JULES: On your palm then. Here, hold your hand out... There we are my wonderful boy, not so difficult now was it?